差しあげる: Wishful Thinking

These are the endless summer days in all the wrong ways,
When here is now and you are there,
Such opportune timeliness is nowhere

To be found,
To be seen,
To be held and caressed.

These are the things I miss
So dearly -- so dear
Like my head upon your chest.

Whilst the sun refuses to grant me exposure,
Sheepishly hiding within the clouds, sleeping gently
While you wait for me in your bed

I am laying there beside you,
Writing books upon books in the contents of your head
And you

Are the spark of every inhalation and the regress of each exhalation.
And this rush of wonderment would be enough,
If it weren't for the lasting warmth of your last touch.

For the spaces between my hands seem a little distant
Without your cheeks to guide me there,
And without your hair to keep my fingers warm
I am left in the cold

Unknowing and unaware.

Like those secondary moments before I met you,
I look forward to what I don't know I'm missing.
Because distance doesn't matter and time does not exist
When what I'm feeling between us, is openhearted listening.

Thanatos V - (H)Armed Robbery

These are the marks of her pencil tip scratches
Sitting upon my eyes, waiting for the dent to dissolve;
Slippery silver shine,
Down my cheeks, choking me from externals.

And how she draws me close,
Designed of crayon skin and pastel clothes.
Full bodied and well-intentioned,
However breathless and formless without batted observation.

I love how she formulates my chest completely concave,
Broken into by semi-weighted feline,
Pillaged of my treasures, leaving only a love letter ransom note.
Cold air torn intercostals and blue black boiling blood.

I am erased with the flick of her finger,
Rubbed off the paper, soiled and wrinkled, condensed and coffee-mug-stained,
Sometimes left in the dust with a rustic sense of trust.

This dimension is defeating, solo and only, time-ticking, present speaking.
I colour within the lines and resolve to pace these pencil shaving shakes, crying:
"Don't leave me alone alone."

Thanatos IV - The Image of a Voluptuous, Blooming Flower.

Memories draped as if in exposition, silently floating
into the transient bedtime sky, illuminated of humble explosion.
Neon colours and pointed shapes - matter of transformation, bursts of what once mattered.
Such are the moments of present projected future:
Appreciative hopefuls and attentive remembrances,
Glittered and adorned photograph recollections;
Decayed videotape memoirs of newfound significance.
These are the unstable alternatives of a story so vague,
About a boy too reserved beside a man too bold.

I sit amongst these picturesque fire flowers
Pitch black if not for the fading sparks of forgotten presence,
Feebly relighting these ancient candles
Allowing the wax to drip like oil, setting flame to the darkness.
And I now lie between the black and rose, counting these delicate petals in my left hand.

Surging thorns tear at my skin, seer for my vision - begging in lullaby kisses.
Right hand of bleeding barb wound
Finding left: a battered bouquet.
My benevolence raptured in sanguine serenity.
Kissing the wreath, gazing into the image of an ideal,
The vermillion rage consumes the forgotten
Leaving me only to oblivion
And I watch him from the neutrality,
Laying swollen eyes to dream the dream.

Destrudo II: Vociferation at 768 mph

Yesterday, Van Gogh hadn't even started painting.
Today Fibonacci is already dust, forgotten and unaware.
Tomorrow I am a carved story, written on human tarpaulin.
This golden trio, synonymous with the world both
Bittersweet and running
Grinning even over the bluffs.

There is no right time she says.
Side-winding slaps to the face
And we turn the other cheek.
There is only time left says he.

Embracing this Goliath: count the lines,
Label the curves, and seek out the nooks.
This is our world damn it.
And we are missing the mark.

Destrudo I: Whispers at 768 mph

Is it raining red?
Or am I drowning from the inside out?

Windshield-wipers over my eyes cease,
Half completed and sublimely over-clocked unwound in cloudy wilderness.
From my cheeks,
Liquid magenta markers compose borderlines across my body
Etching the multitudinous canyons that reverberate,
Revolting against the plate,
Crossing the frame, destroying my delineation;
Pushed against myself, submerging the very part of-
Renewing what had just come to know life.

These confounding crossings, squiggles upon my squirming,
Just like snow in November, a world not ready for equality, or
Echoing shells that keep talking back
Shouting impotent unfortunates:
This is the exponential acceleration of a generation unknowing
And I am stirred; made dizzy, only constantly.

Thanatos III: Scratches Heard on the Wallpaper

Cinder block and Yule log ash
Between rattled bulwark and painted gash of drywall canvas.
I leap from broken parapet and tumble through the hairline crack of facade.
Wind at a hindrance and an impediment
Driving me into the dark: a blurry moon
Only blue and then a darker.

I stand at the edge of Estuary, a tranquil geyser
Of melting veneer, slipping in the sincerity of the wolf.
Up to my knees in greywater;
Filtered in the refined gaze of his crater formation.
Woof wolf.

I am the revolutionary of 24 hours
Your other half, eclipsing the ocean.
Blind city lamppost - beautiful blue
Ignoring techno scratches and burning lights a
Discarded stone into the reflection of the stars.
Gaze into the sky dearest.
We are already Here.
Whirlpool memories flood
My ebb and flow.

Thanatos II: Flame to the Pain, to Redemption

I had a dream last night
That I lost myself in the bright.
I wish you could've seen it.
I tell you...
I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet.
I need it.

Like a King in his castle:
Hidden safe within his walls.
Surrounded by loyal men
And dining on rich food.
I'm happy.

Like a King in his fortress
Trapped within the cage.
Fooled by monsters he's created,
Sipping putrid poison
From a jagged cup.
I'm falling in silent delirium.

A walk among the palisades
Allows me to breathe.
Thoughts beyond the walls
And a stark reality right in front of me.
I breathe in my own exhalation.

To learn is to lose:
In torching my own defense,
I stare my enemies in the face.
Bloody fangs bear no witness to this anger.
So let all burn -
Let the sparks of fire reach the sky
And set me free.

Flame to the palisade;
Light from the bottom-up
Freedom follow pain.

So
Don't tell me I wasn't dreaming.
When I can see now
I've wept in morose slumber all my life.

Charcoal dreams and incendiary scents
Begin my destructive path outside the cage
To become that catalyst,
To watch the world burn
And hold open the gates that bind us all.

Thanatos I: Post (Re)Birth

This world is dying a slow and painful death. That is the fate of this world - these people. We live in a society where we talk to each other from miles away on cellular phones and think that's it's more personal than email. What happened to face to face contact? We've lost ourselves in a dark abyss of pesticides, lies, murder, rape, monetary gain, and we are forever love lost. 'Love' has become the quick-fix sugar rush that we constantly strive for, but we have yet to accept that we're always looking for a better 'high'. We think that we're expanding our knowledge...but we've never been more stuck in the history of man. Imagination is losing its' lustre with every invention that we've dreamed of. Dream is dream. Reality is lost. Hear my story.

My birth

I recall

Rewind

I remember
My cries as the white hands
Caressed my pungent body.
Crying hands
My grasp to the sliding walls.
Home
My forever lost.

My growth
I remember

Backspacebackspacebackspacebackspace

I recite my lie
The words that connect us
These words that bind me to misinterpretation.
To hurt.
To confusion.
To regular conversation.
Letters to myself.
Revealed to public eyes.
Mocking.

My present
I recite

Error

I feel
Anger
The pain
The emotion of the planet
The dissonance of the people.
Hear me.
Listen.
You don't.
Blind.

My future
I know

Fail.

Love is hidden among us
Within every person
Explored in the depths with one.
Why do we advance when all we need is here and now.
Man is always making things easier.
Easy never hurt so bad.

My life
I wonder
The possibilities that will return us to the beginning.
The rebirth complete
The animal lives
The noise ever-growing.
In numbers
In words
And as the music fades
The chaos begins.

Take my hand
And we will run away
Into the darkness
Closer to the beat
Beat
Beat
Of the human heart.

There,
I will be the catalyst to bring this world
To the end
With smiles and salvation.

Delete.

Eros V: Part of the World

She's part of the world
that I hate
but attempt to love.

We're getting older
than we ever saw coming
but we allow time to be ever-changing.

This love will not endure the test of time.
This love will not make it to see my eyes of tomorrow.
This love will only serve as a first home.

Her heart is a secret place that only I know.
Even if another man wanders in,
He'll never see what I've seen.

This world plays wonders on us.
Spins our very souls
Until a mix of gray is all that's left.

This is the gray I hate.
I despise the artist that allowed our wonderful colours
To be ruined in penultimate gray.

Beside the black
We are doomed within the shades.
And I love.

Eros IV: Thinking Like You, Thinking of You

[2007] Noise in Transition: Words (NiTWords)

This is a journey
Life is a mix of noise
It's not about the songs
It's not about one given time
Because as we know, time goes on forever.
And it's not something you need
Or something you might even want
But the fact remains for us both:
That it is
And it's here.

It's something I've thought about
It's a thought that crossed my mind
It's not about you or me
But it's something from me to you
And it's something I want you to know about
And you probably already know it
Though, I'd like us to share in knowing this idea together
And in this togetherness,
Find more of ourselves in trying to share this common thought.
We may not have enough time to always be around each other,
But this way, you'll always have a part of me with you
And not just my figurative heart.
And knowing that, I have a part of you.
Doing this achieves the indescribable
And maybe you'll see what I see
And just maybe, I'll see what you see
And when we look into each other's eyes
We'll see a little bit of ourselves reflected in the other

And we'll know.

Eros III - Apocalyptic Love

As I chronicle my last days
As I am about to turn
As I watch my body plunge
As I take another step to sing amongst the angels
As I pry the beast from her crying skin.
As I cry into the shoulders
As I lose sight of clock and
As I return to the purge.
My pages are running out.

While my ink still lasts
While my claw still moves
While my mind thinks of my body
While my body protects my mind
While my prayers are still heard.
She wanders the path my pen has written.

The human that fell in love with the living beast
The girl that captured the eye of the wingless descent
The woman that found his heart and gave it shelter from the acid rain
The soul that wouldn't give up,
Even in this dying moment.

She took my bandaged fist and
Showed me the beauty of this damned rain.
We jumped into puddles
And screamed until the silence gave in
And we set fire to the sky itself
Until the heavens surrounded us in brilliant red.
I missed her.

This cursed world and the death that surrounds me.
It is in this contrast that beauty was found.
I had been looking for so long.

I've found the heaven I've been looking for
And she's so far
From where I'm going.

But I'm going to love you until the day I die
And when that comes, you will find me again
I will fall in love with you again
And you won't even know that I left.

You will keep the frame of me
And I will be the change you'll never see.
Because the frame is all you'll ever need.

One thing yet remains:
My heart beats.
Hold on tight, love.

Eros II - Seeds of Pain

He laughed,
He smiled,
He pushed me off.
The devil told me to fly;
Use my flightless feathers to soar.
So I took planks of wood and made anew
He told me to believe
Yet I made anew from the burning wood.

Cast as a sinner
As I engrave penance to the broken tree.

Standing on the edge of death
He told me one last time
To believe.
And
His sinister smile stabbed my back as I
Slipped

Tumbling and falling
The wood took flight and I wept above the clouds
Watching myself descend until
Death's wings took my broken body away.
My tears couldn't stop the rain from falling.

I wake.
Crunch.
Toast.
Whisper.